Not Santa's Holiday List
If you’ve ever dressed up for a millenial-thrown holiday party, used pros and cons to make a festive decision, or hung out with Santa Claus, you know that organizing things into Naughty & Nice categories is the name of the game. Here’s how I’ve been somewhat sweet and utterly rotten this holiday season.
THE NICE LIST:
✓ Put extra thought and care into family Christmas gifts this year since they will be spending a nice chunk of change to make it to our destination wedding in 2018
✓ Perched in painful shoes like a Playboy Bunny while my fiancé played poker at his corporate holiday party
✓ Stayed up way past my bedtime to go see my fiancé’s favorite performer (Jay Z)
✓ Got my Gloria Steinem on and developed my writing career all the while voicing my opinions and standing up for women through the written word
✓ Told my sister to make any Thanksgiving appetizers her heart desired because your girl was gonna throw her dairy-free resolutions out the window for family time, even if it gave me diarrhea
THE NAUGHTY LIST:
✓ Hit the snooze button too many times and missed a couple barre classes knowing they would charge me the $15 “motivation fee”
✓ Waited until the absolute last minute to complete and submit writing assignments even though I told myself this week would be different
✓ Got lazy and picked up Thai takeout instead of cooking the healthy salmon meal that came in our Sun Basket
✓ Hollered “Eat shit, Roy Moore!” upon hearing the results of Alabama’s special election
✓ Ate a Cheesecake-Factory-portion of pasta from the Cheesecake Factory and then got a milkshake to go
✓ Used a stock photo for an Instagram post
✓ Ate ice cream for breakfast, fries for lunch, and dinner in bed while my fiancé was out of town
✓ Put our nice pans in the dishwasher while my fiancé was out of town
✓ Wrote only one blog post each week instead of my promised two
✓ Ate a whole package of Double-Stuf Oreos
✓ Canceled plans at the last minute via an untrue excuse
✓ Sleuthed around Instagram for so long that my phone died every single day for 3 weeks
As you can see here, I’ve been more naughty than I’ve been nice. But as you can also see, most of my naughty items revolve around food, which is not really naughty at all. My other less-than-polite deeds involve speaking out against a sexual predator, skipping a workout, and taking a little extra “me” time, which I will not be apologizing for. My mom always used to say that during the winter our bodies just want more sleep and food, kinda like bears. And you know what? I think she was right.
Despite what your New Year’s resolutions may strive for, nobody’s perfect. Life is a Venn diagram. It’s not all naughty and it’s obviously not all nice, so step into the gray area and stop being so hard on yourself! This holiday season, eat the extra cookie (or 5), sleep in, skip a workout, cancel plans, take a shortcut, and binge on all the food, drinks, Netflix, and other delicious libations. Do you, babe!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Theresa Healey is a contributing writer to Smoke Signals and the author of a health and lifestyle blog called The Taboo Textbook. Theresa is a full-time office lady, part-time writer, and sometimes comedian. Her blogging journey started with a poorly-designed tumblr account in 2014 and evolved into an accidental online personality. Theresa likes telling jokes and writing weekly movie reviews on Instagram. She lives in Portland, Oregon with her fiancé.
Follow her on IG @TheTabooTextbook.